I am writing about something I wish NO ONE ever needed!
During my 32 years in basketball, I have been out of a job on several occasions. Unfortunately in today’s world of collegiate and professional athletics, it happens to coaches, administrators and executives more than it should. It has become part of the business. The money is so big in athletics that it is easy to buy someone out. It has become increasingly easy to blame someone else. Also, many times a change in leadership leads to a new boss wanting to bring in his own people, and fire people he / she does not know. And lastly, there are times when someone has not lived up to the expectations set for them, or lapses in judgement have made it necessary to be let go.
I have learned a lot during these trying times. Following are some of the lessons I have learned and would like to share with you.
1. WELCOME TO THE CLUB
It is a large fraternity of coaches, administrators or executives who have been fired at some point in their careers. Some of the greatest coaches in history were fired at some point. Don’t be embarrassed by it – you need to believe that what you lost simply made room for the new things in your life.
2. IT HURTS
When you get told you are out, it hurts. If you have passion and care about your job, it should hurt. It is okay to be wounded. Just don’t let it be a mortal wound. Don’t wish to change the situation, make the situation change you for the better!
3. DON’T BE SHOCKED
For the most part, you should probably not be shocked. Many times you probably saw it coming, and just did not figure your boss would do it to you when he / she did.
If it was not an egregious error on your part, there was likely tension with, or decreased communication from, your boss prior to you being let go.
What can overwhelm you is how much it hurts; how your pride and ego are bruised; and how much you wish have left on your own accord before you actually got fired.
4. BE GRACIOUS AND TAKE IT LIKE A PROFESSIONAL. BUT, DON’T LET THEM BEAT YOU UP!
Be classy, and don’t say something you are going to regret. Get out of the meeting as soon as you can so you don’t lash out. However, you also don’t need to have the meeting / phone conversation make you hurt more than you already will.
I have learned that you will get let go in one of two ways. One is that it will get very personal, and you will be attacked in a way that can cause you to lash out. Be careful in this case….it will be easy to say things that you will regret.
The other way you will get released is “because we are going in a different direction.” In that case you will possibly hear, “You did a GREAT job here. Or you worked really hard. Or you were very professional…..” In that case, I would advise you to just stop the conversation in a polite manner and get out of the meeting and ask to speak to HR. If you were so good; worked so hard; were so professional, etc. you would not be getting let go. Those reasons won’t make you feel better about how this is going down.
You can come out of most any situation bitter or you can come out better. Even when being let go; grow from it and come out better!
5. OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKES
Even though you may not feel your firing was justified, own up to the things that you may have done wrong, or would have handled differently, that put you into this position.
Fortunately I never had any indiscretions that got me fired. I was never fired for cheating on an expense account; breaking rules; legal issues, etc. But, even then there are things I look back on and wish I would have handled differently.
It is important to own up to your mistakes, because you can learn from it in your next job, and hopefully avoid having it happen again. Or, like in my case, know how to better handle it the next time it happens. Self-awareness is difficult, but it’s truly the only way to grow, and improve your image and reputation.
6. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY
Getting let go from your job can wear you out. You will lose a lot of sleep. Your mind will not stop racing at night trying to figure out why this happened, what you are going to do next, etc. You have to get rest to stay focused.
Being relieved of your job can cause weight loss or gain. However, it can also probe to be a great time to get into shape physically, or if you are already in great shape, to take it to another level.
Eating right and taking good care of your body is vitally important. It can help you avoid the depressing, down times. Drinking alcohol in excess won’t help, either – in fact, it will make things worse.
7. DON’T WASTE TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED
It will be a waste of your time and energy once you have been fired to try and figure out what happened; who got you fired; who lied; who turned on you, etc. Even if you know, it won’t get your job back. It becomes a negative drain on your energy level and will cause you to get angry. It is hard, but you have to move on.
The first time I got fired, it was a very personal firing. I was hurt beyond imagination. I spent an amazing amount of time reading the internet about what was going on in that program. I listened to their games late at night hoping they would lose. I wanted so bad for that guy who fired me to get fired himself, as if that was somehow going to help me get my job back. As I look back on it, it was not smart on my part. It was a total waste of time, and most likely prevented me from doing a better job at the new job I had.
Everyone has a story, but very few people want to hear it. Look forward, not backwards.
8. BREATHE
Take your time, if you can, before you rush into your next job. You can’t afford to get into two bad situations in a row. That can be professional suicide.
For some it is hard, because there are families to raise and support, and you will feel you have to get right back to work. However, there is something to be said for taking a step back, evaluating the direction you want to go and finding out what else is out there that will excite you.
9. EXPLORE
This can be a great time to explore what you may want to do outside of the endeavor you were doing when you get fired. For me, there are things I am looking to do outside of basketball.
By the way, this is not a bad idea for people to do even if they have not been fired! As one good friend of mine says, “Always prepare for war in times of peace.”
10. YOU DON’T HAVE AS MANY FRIENDS AS YOU THINK YOU DO
You will be disappointed in some people because they did not reach out to you after it got out that you were fired. There will be people who you consider close friends / allies that you will not hear from. Don’t be surprised by this.
Sometimes people simply don’t know what to say, so they just avoid it. Others don’t like you as much as you had thought. And many of them have never been fired before, so they don’t know how much it hurts, and don’t know how to support people.
I had a great friend once tell me that “you will be lucky if you can find six really good friends in life, because you need six to be pallbearers at your funeral. If you have more than six, the bad friends will drop your casket.”
You will find out even more when you get fired how true that statement is.
11. YOU CAN’T EXPECT YOUR FRIENDS TO HIRE YOU FOR YOUR NEXT JOB
Be careful about the expectation that you have friends that will definitely give you a job. Sometimes those friends would like to hire you, but don’t have an opening in their organization, or on their staff. Other times the person is not as good of a friend as you had thought (see 5). Be careful of losing a friendship because of your expectation that a friend will always take care of you.
12. IT’S A DEMEANING EXPERIENCE
Be careful about putting yourself into situations that will demean or depress you even more than getting fired already is. It will be a roller coaster of emotions. You will be angry or depressed at times. You will get excited about a new opportunity that may arise, only to get let down even further when that opportunity does not come through for you.
I remember one year going to the Final Four one year after I had been fired. It was so depressing walking through that lobby. Seeing people who you thought were your friends avoid you. Seeing others get jobs that you can’t get involved with. It is depressing. In fact, I would advise against going to the Final Four (or other big events like it in sports) after getting fired if it ever happened again, because it is better to avoid getting hurt even more.
13. DON’T SIT AND WAIT FOR THE PHONE TO RING – IT WON’T RING AS MUCH AS YOU HOPE
As stated earlier in point five, you won’t hear from people as much as you would hope. You may hear from some people once, but many of those will figure they called you once, and move on. Rarely will you have a second / third / fourth call to check on you to see how you are doing.
Additionally, when you have left messages for people, you are going to be shocked by the number of people who won’t call you back.
Don’t sit by your phone and wait for it to ring! You have to be the aggressor. But, go slowly and take your time doing so. For the most part you are going to get hired by someone who pursues you – not because you wore them out on the phone. It can get really depressing making tons of calls and coming up with nothing. It’s wise to cast a wide net, even outside of your current industry.
14. YOU WILL HEAR A LOT OF “NO’s”
When you begin you search for a new opportunity, you are going to hear “no” so many times that you can nearly give up. Don’t! It is part of the deal. Don’t take it personally. Emotional durability is the key during a job search.
I learned a long time ago that the easiest time to get a job is when you have a job. When you don’t have a job, it becomes infinitely harder, because the people on the other side feel there must be something wrong with you if you got fired. It is good to keep that in mind as you try to figure out your next move.
15. IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST
It is hard to see at the time, but getting nearly always works out for the best – if you let it. If you don’t look back, and look forward, you will find new relationships and better opportunities. You will be amazed years down the road that you were so worried after being fired, and now the quality of your life is improved because of what you went through.
Note: For those who have never been fired, have empathy on those who do. Be the one to call a colleague who has been fired (not once, but multiple times). Be the one to be a friend. Be the one to return calls. And, prepare to handle being fired, because odds are you are going to make it into “The Club” at some point in your life.
When you have that tension / poor communication with your boss, maybe it’s time to move on. When you have a new A.D. / boss / President / Head Coach, maybe it’s time to explore your next move. Hopefully you can get out “ahead of the posse” and avoid the hard experiences of being out of job.
